Fireworks were exploding over the bridge beyond the trees, the embers curtained the midnight sky. It was January 1st 2014. I waited for Alan out on the balcony. I closed my eyes, inhaled gunpowder and new year air. Things were changing, I knew the entire year in front of me was going to be different from the last. Alan came out onto the balcony and I slid over on to his lap. We watched the different colors cascade against the trees outside of his apartment. While we sat there and kissed there was already something miraculous happening. I was pregnant. Sixteen days later I noticed I was a lot more fatigued than normal. Finally after a week of naps and exhaustion I took a pregnancy test. Talking about how I felt that day makes me a lot more emotional than the actual moment I realized I was pregnant. Alan is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I can't say that enough. He has taught me how to love. I don't think I've wanted anyone so bad. He's my best friend and I couldn't imagine a day without him in my life. To share this with someone I am completely head over heels in love with is so amazing. To know that I wouldn't have anyone else in the entire universe but him as the father to my child is one thing that I am completely sure of. I'm 13 weeks pregnant today. The day after I found out I was pregnant I wrote this, and found it in my phone today:
I'm sitting outside on the balcony staring at the moon. I wonder if you'll love it as much as I do. I wonder if you'll ever sit out here with me watching the moon too. Alan is cooking me dinner while i write this. I wonder what you'll look like. What your laugh will sound like, what your cries will sound like. I close my eyes and watch you running through a park with Alan chasing your heels. I don't know you yet and you don't know me but it feels like we've met a thousand times before. You will be my greatest accomplishment in my entire life. See you soon.
-Pickle
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