Fake Plastic Trees

I'm sitting in my office watching the sun creep through the blinds.  It's a different kind of light, it has that amber glow to it.  It's officially fall, I can feel it in the air, I can smell it, it's all around me.  I watch the wind sift through the leaves of the trees and the debris swirl around in the air.  I remember you and I always talking about the weather and how much we loved it, you'd say how cold it was.  It reminded me of when I was small and we'd sleep on the couch together and share the big polar bear blanket.  I remember the last conversation we had, I flash back to it a lot and wish I had said more.  I remember being stifled at seeing you in the state you were in and trying to remember you as the strong loving woman you were and still are where ever you are.  I think about Thanksgiving and how I can't fathom this without you.  I can't imagine any of the holidays without except for weaving the past memories in with the present like a crazy person.  I can't accept that you're not here, I don't think I should have to and I certainly think I'm going insane.  I know that I am not alone in my feelings, I know that were all thinking of you every day that the leaves change, every day the sun comes up I think of you, we all do.  We miss you so much, where ever you are I know they have internet connection and you're reading this blog and will probably be going back to your korean soaps (which I hate remember that).  I love you.  Forever. I miss you so much.